MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON

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How Do You Know if You Are Marrying “The One?” It’s a commonly asked question: “How do I know if I’m marrying the right person?”

How to Marry the Right Person

Finding Miss or Mr Right is not always an easy thing to do. Once you think you have found the right person, you may have doubts. Having doubts about who you are marrying is not only normal but healthy.

Hopefully, you already know that you should not marry someone who drinks too much, spends too much, work too much, brags too much, uses drugs or other illegal behaviours, has been unfaithful, cruel, dishonest or abusive.

If your future spouse is free of those destructive behaviours and you are still having doubts about getting married, read through these statements. You will see if your doubts are reasonable and worth paying attention to, or if you are having cold feet about proposing without having any rational reasons.

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Happiness and Emotional Support

Although expecting a spouse to make you feel happy all the time is unreasonable, being with the right person can bring happiness and a sense of personal strength to your life.

You will know you are marrying the right person when you feel support and encouragement about your own growth both emotionally and intellectually. The right person will want you to be emotionally healthy and able to stand on your own two feet. When you are with the right person, you will feel good about yourself, safe, and fulfilled.

MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON
MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON

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The right person will not be negative, selfish, wishy-washy, silent, embarrassing, critical, or slob. Why spend your life with a jerk?

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Affection, Love, and Sex

It is important that the person you marry is someone who is understanding and agreeable to your wants and needs when it comes to sex and affection.

You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse says, “I love you,” not only in words spoken but by loving actions. We define loving actions as doing things such as noticing when you are tired, remembering your birthday, wanting to spend time with you, listening to you, showing you respect, calling if you are running late, showing you affection, being patient with you if you don’t understand something, kissing you hello and goodbye, and hugging you for no particular reason.

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You will know you are marrying the right person if you are sexually compatible with one another. If the two of you view sexual intimacy differently or have vastly different libidos, your marriage relationship will suffer.

The right person is someone who you like and who is your friend. The right person will enjoy spending time with you. Your love and your marriage will slowly fade if the two of you are not friends.

MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON
MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON

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The right person is kind, considerate, and polite. Little things in life such as saying ‘thank you’ and holding a door open may seem old fashioned, but they do reflect the amount of caring and kindness in a person.

Communication, Goals, and Value

You and the right person will have similar goals and values in life. Having different likes and different opinions is okay as long as the two of you agree to disagree. Although you may not always agree with one another, conversations with the right person will be interesting and not boring. The right person will communicate thoughts and feelings with you and will not keep hurts and concerns bottled up inside.

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Understanding that the only constant in life changes, the right person is willing to discuss marriage issues, questions, and topics with you both before and after you get married.

The right person will encourage you to make decisions to live a healthy lifestyle by eating healthier foods and getting exercise. The right person will want to work with you to balance your work and personal lives.

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Feeling as if you are the only one picking things up around the house or taking care of the kids can get old. The right person is willing to share in the responsibilities of your home and future children.

MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON
MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON

Finding the right person doesn’t mean that the two of you won’t have difficulties or differences to deal with. However, with the right person, you will know that the two of you will be able to work through the issues that could hurt your relationship. You should also believe that your partner would seek professional help if you both were unable to work things through on your own.

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Trust and Honesty

The right person is honest with you. The right person will trust you and not monitor your phone calls or computer usage or limit the amount of time you spend with others you care about. You will know you are marrying the right person if your future spouse does not try to isolate you from your family and friends. You not only need to belong to family, friends, groups, etc., but you also have the right to do so. The right person in your life will not try to control your life but will want to share a life with you. The wrong person will make you feel as if you have to walk on eggshells in order to keep peace in your home.

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You should not have to defend wanting privacy or time alone. You will know you are marrying the right person when you are not questioned about your need for time alone or personal space.

The right person will trust you and not spy on you. Feeling as if you have to justify your every move will become a very heavy burden.

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Things that need to know about your partner?

You like each other’s families

It’s true that you don’t just marry your soulmate, but his/her family as well. Many people complain about the in-laws and this doesn’t indicate your union is doomed, but life is so much easier when everyone gets along for the most part. I’m lucky my current beau’s parents and sister are awesome, but a former flame’s dad was unkind and distrustful of me, so I figured out pretty quickly that I hadn’t met the right guy yet.

 You miss him/her when you’re apart

Wanting to be with the person you love all of the time doesn’t make you needy or annoying. It shows you cherish that person deeply and understand every experience — whether big or small — is better with him/her around. I enjoy watching The Simpsons in bed, but I always laugh harder at Homer’s antics when my S.O. is there cackling with me. Alone time is healthy, but so is wanting to giggle and chat with your favourite person in the world after a rough day at work.

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 You’re always thinking about how your decisions affect each other

Considering a new job? You’re also thinking about how it would fit with your S.O.’s schedule and needs, especially if you live together and share finances. This works both ways, so if he’s mulling over a drastic career change and wants to move to the other side of the world or country, he should also want to take you with him.

MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON
MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON

 You don’t want any secrets

For the longest time, I was scared to stay over at my boyfriend’s house because I had a major sleep talking/walking problem that had been going on for years. I was embarrassed about doing something ridiculous in the middle of the night but he assured me he wouldn’t judge my behaviour — he just wanted me there. Sure enough, I was so relaxed with him that my sleep yelling/walking issues went away in his presence. I’m glad I explained my hesitation upfront so we could find a solution.

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The closer you are to someone, the more important things you’ll reveal about yourself — from your salary to your family history. The more they know, the more they understand you. The less-than-appealing stuff is important, too. The right person wants all of you, not just his/her idealized version of you because that’s not real.

Other people comment on how great you are together

If parents, friends, siblings and relatives can see how happy you make each other, you know it’s going to last. On that note, how cute are Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield? You don’t need to know them to understand what an awesome pair.

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 You’ve survived tough times and blowouts

They make these two should get married TODAY. As much as I admire couples who claim they never fight over anything, I think there’s something to be said about having productive arguments. Life partnership isn’t all snuggles and kisses, so it’s important to know you can get through disagreements before you tie the knot. There will be many rough days when you’re exhausted, chasing screaming children around the house and having unpleasant conversations about money and taxes, but if you can get through the fighting and awkward discussions without too many tears, you can handle marriage.

You don’t have to look nice for each other all the time

Though you still like to dress up and surprise the other person with a pretty outfit, you two can be messy and lazy around each other and not even think twice about it.

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 You’re a good team

To paraphrase my former D.C. mentor Matt Lewis, it’s crucial to choose a partner with whom you can go to battle. As earlier stated, life presents us with plenty of battles, and the person you marry should be willing and able to fight them alongside you. That person should also be like a good reliable teammate. This may sound unromantic, but having someone who is there for you day in and day out, for better or worse, is as sweet as it gets.

You already know what you’d say during your wedding vows

When it comes to the other person, you can always articulate what makes him/her so amazing and why you’ll be there for them forever. Whether you’re “engaged to be engaged” or just having fun dating, you know you’re going to love this person until the very end. You want everyone to recognize how lucky you are to have this person in your life.

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