NO!!! You can’t leave me always at home only to be having time with those side chicks of yours. You are married to me and I am your responsibilities, ‘’for better for worse’’, this is the voice of Blessing echoed from their apartment at 5:30 am. It has become a routine to hear voices of fights and slaps between Blessing and her husband, Ifeanyi. They appeared like beautifully wedded couples after a four-year marriage before the relocated into the neighbourhood.
Ifeanyi is a fatty man in his late forties and a web designer in one of Nigeria’s topmost companies in Abuja while his wife is in her middle thirties and a fashion designer.
At first, their fights seemed normal until they become so vulnerable. Blessing later confided in a friend of hers that they started having issues when her husband assumes she’s wasn’t satisfying him sexually without taking into account her job stress.
We are not born with innate capacity or knowledge for great sex right from the start of our sex lives. Think back to the first time you were too sexually attached to each other, that you can’t even stay a day without your partner. It probably didn’t make the earth tilt on its own axis, right? That is perfectly normal. If you are wondering how to have good sex with a woman or how to satisfy a man in bed, then you should know that great sex is learned.
A psychotherapist, Dr Ian Kerner, said many women have fluctuating sex drives, arising from a larger issue. He said,’’ In some ways, sexual desire is a barometer of your overall health. If someone comes in with low libido, it can often be an indication that something else is going on emotionally.
You may know the steps to make your partner feel better:
-Keep Your Likes And Dislikes
Kenner explained that it was important to know one’s likes and dislikes to enjoy oneself in bed and also help one’s partner enjoy one in bed. He said, ’Knowing what makes you feel good, what turns you on, what turns you off, the stimulation you need to move through the process of arousal, the positions you like, and a partner who can dance with you in that way and knows the dance, is helpful’’.
He added that it was vital to communicate these desires to one’s partner. He said, ’If you feel uncomfortable sharing frame what you want in the form of a fantasy. For instance, you could tell your partner you had a daydream about how the two of you used to make out in the early days. Try to use arousing, stimulating language. Doing so will help lead you to the kind of sex you’d like to have.
-Turn Out The Noise In Your Life
Science supports the idea that turning the noise can help women improve their sex lives. A study published in September 2017 in the Journey of Sexual Research found that women reported significant improvements in sexual desire, overall sexual function, and a reduction in sex-related distress after an eight-session mindfulness programme. If you still find yourself thinking more about your to-do list and less about what’s happening in the bedroom, fantasizing may help you focus. With our high-stress lifestyle, it’s normal to get distracted, even when we’d prefer to focus on romance. But women especially, it’s important to focus on staying in the moment you want to be in a relaxed place where your brain really deactivates, so you can experience full arousal and orgasm.
Kerner said I think fantasy is a really powerful way of shutting off your anxious brain. In talking to female patients over the years, many do fantasies during sex naturally or consciously exactly for that reason, to get into a deeper state of arousal.
-Expand Your Definition Of Sex
Another sex therapist, Janet Bristo, said that it was vital to redefine sex to be able to explore other ways by which sex could be more pleasurable both to an individual and one’s Partner.
She said “Sex is more than penile-vaginal intercourse, for varieties sake, try out the course, this may include anything from deep kissing, sensual touch, and erotic massages. Use your five senses touch (yes, all five) to focus on your own body sensation. Abandon the performance-based mindset and adopt a pleasure-based approach instead. This helps reduce that kind of sexual pressure most people complain about when it comes to sex-expectations. Practising this can help you learn to eliminate fears that arise from believing you must know everything about sexual intimacy.
-Change Positions For Different Stimulation
According to a sex and marriage coach, Sheila Gregoire, for the woman to satisfy her husband in bed, it is advisable to try different positions while having sex with their spouse.
She said, in some positions, you will feel tighter, which will be nice for your spouse. In some, he’ll be able to go deeper while in some he’ll be able to feel other parts of more easily (which he may really like). If for your own pleasure, you need to be in one position to climax, that’s okay! Just start in a different position, and then switch later.
-Understand Each Other’s Love Language
When the going gets tough in the bedroom, rely on your strengths. It’s quite easy to shift blame and get mad when your needs aren’t met. But, instead of calling it quits, take some time to understand each other’s point of view. Find some common ground for both of you.
She explained, “Bickering usually happens because one person is feeling unappreciated. So learning and expressing your love in your partner’s language (whether it’s via gifts, physical affection, or taking out the trash), you’ll create a foundation for sexual intimacy”.
Sex doesn’t have to be a serious affair. When having sex with your partner be yourself, be silly and fool around together. Every now and then have a quickie, have sex to see how fast your partner.
Good sex is not just about how to satisfy yourself in bed but taking the initiative to make the experience in something so delightful that you go crazy just thinking about all the time.
Some women and men might find this a bit embarrassing, but hear us out. A psychotherapist, Sam Mendez, said, “Watching a confident woman fully connect to her sexuality is a huge turn-on for us. It’s like giving your husband a private peep-show and being able to see the pleasure on your face and get a better understanding of exactly how you like to be touched is both a turn-on and a valuable lesson.
-Use Your Mouth
A dating coach, Todd Valentine, noted that to get the best out of one’s partner during sex, one should be ready to use one’s mouth during the activity. He said,” I cannot stress this enough, men love getting blow jobs and we love when you take it upon yourselves without asking or begging required to give us one. So go ahead and surprise him, and not just because it’s his birthday or you lost a bet. The man should also play with his partner’s clitoris with his tongue, that way you won’t leave her unsatisfied in bed.
He also said that beyond using one’s mouth to play with each other’s private parts, telling each other how one feels, moaning and verbal conversations helps during sex. He said, I am not suggesting frighteningly fake porn star-moans but your partner especially men want to know when you’re enjoying yourself. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to talk dirty. Just use commands like ‘harder’ can make men freeze up. You might wonder the point of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ after all these years; after all, he likely knows what works by now, then you will be surprised by how he responds to that validation and what his renewed excitement will do to you.
To make sex great, Smith advised couples to switch things up and see how sexually satisfied that could make them. Smith added that if one and one’s partner had got into a sexual routine, having sex the same night each a week or always in the same position, sooner or later, one would discover that such sex position would be lacklustre.
She said, “Did you know that men have a lot of places that can be erogenous of places, besides the penis? There are semi-obvious places like a guy’s torso or inner-thoughts, but don’t forget lesser-thought of sexy sports, like his temples or behind his knees. All these create fun during sex for both for you.
The acronym GGG? It stands for good, giving, and game. If you want to sexually
Satisfy each other, you would want to make being GGG a goal, Smith noted. Smith explained the acronym saying, “Good; you are good in bed, you enjoy sex and look forward to your intimate moments with your partner. Giving= you are generous in bed, concentrating on your partner’s pleasure. Game= you are up for trying new things and being open to your partner’s suggestions and requests for making your sex life satisfying, hot and exciting. Be willing to try new things at least once (as long as you are comfortable with them). Good sex is not rocket science. It just takes two people to really be in the moment, cut the monotony with surprises and think outside the box (and the bed). That’s all! Still wondering how to satisfy a man in bed sexually or how to sweep a man or woman off her feet with good sex, then start gradually with these tips and see the difference”.